Telling Fortunes by Tea Leaves

OK, we’ll assume that since you have bought this book, boredom plays a definable role in your life. For a successful tea-leaf reading, all you’ll need is a melodramatic demeanor, a few kitchen supplies, and a gullible friend that looks equally bored. What you need:

* Loose tea, any flavor. “Loose” tea does not refer to its sexual proclivities; rather, it means that you’re using actual tea leaves that float loose in your cup instead of using a tea bag. We recommend that you use a Chinese tea or one with a minimum of fine-grained dust. If you like your subject (the one whose future you are going to read), let him choose a favorite flavor. If not, use the nastiest flavor you can find.

* A white or pastel teacup with a wide brim. It needs to be white, or you won’t be able to read the dark leaves at the bottom, and it should have a wide brim so that the leaves have a greater area to stick to at the bottom of the cup. If you’re at work, a Styrofoam cup will do, but we’ll have to tell your boss that you’re slacking (…as if she doesn’t already know).

* A wide saucer.
* A teaspoon.

Now you’re ready to make some tea.

1. Place a teapot full of water on the stove. Oh, and make sure the stove is on.
2. Place the dry tea leaves on a saucer. Have your friend stir them around while the water is boiling. Murmur something unintelligible during this stage for drama’s sake.
3. Ask your friend to throw some leaves into the pot (the amount doesn’t matter).
4. Brew the tea without a strainer, making sure that the leaves are loose within the pot.
5. After the tea starts steaming, have your friend pour some into the cup.
6. Let it cool. Sit around, relax, work on your résumé, play poker, whatever.